remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
