If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
