If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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