i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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