I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
