Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
