this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize