Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
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can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
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Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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