I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
