i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
