highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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