I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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