Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
