i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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