Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
