Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
