that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
