i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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