She went from zero to smokin in five shots
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
