Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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