when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.