i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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