god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.