i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
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I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
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We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.