ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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