I met the friendliest cop last night
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.