I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
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I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
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Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.