Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
