you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive