Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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