dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
