Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
