How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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