It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
