My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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