But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
