This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
