You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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