The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
My cat gives me a boner
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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