I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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