U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
