would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
