just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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