I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
