shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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