it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
