Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
