im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
