Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
