we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize