just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
