Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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