Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
