Just fell off a train. Bad.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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