I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
No subtext here. People are naked.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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