i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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