I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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