Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
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you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I think your dad took our porno
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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