why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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