i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Randomize
