Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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