why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
