we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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