4 words: hood of his car
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
