Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize