i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
