Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
