What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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