There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
