I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
