you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
