I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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