vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
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