I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
