She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
