I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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