It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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